Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
