Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Randomize
