first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
