I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
