An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
