The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
