Redeem this text for a blowjob
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
