Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
