Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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