Your mouth is God's brothel.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
