worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
