my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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