i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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