maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
