dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
