you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
