is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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