so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
