she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
