I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
