I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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