Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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