I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
