she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
