just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
