Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
