sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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