He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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