Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
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alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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