Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize