He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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