The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You ruined the universe
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
