just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
