Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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