I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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