GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
