Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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