Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
