Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize