omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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