If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
