Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
