I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
