Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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