pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
