maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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