New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
