I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
