yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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