I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
