I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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