ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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