He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
