I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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