her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
