you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
