Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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