I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
