Sponge bath it is.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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