I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize