You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
