Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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