I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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