I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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