the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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