I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
