Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
