my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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